Scattered
There are still memories of you
s c a t t e r e d
on my bedroom floor
I
tip toe over them
land in bed
pray on my knees
they dont greet me
in my dreams
tonight
Fantasia: So Emotional
Last night I saw Fantasia for the 3rd time in concert in Jacksonville and was once again wowed by her performance. The last time i saw Fantasia was at the Blatino Awards in Atlanta where she did a 15 minute set and won the crowd over! 15 minutes. Now that's what we call star presence. Even in a smoky club, with a bad sound system she managed to shine and touch the crowd. So I knew when her tour announced a stop in Jacksonville I would be going to see her
I often have to explain to people that artists like Fantasia, MJB and Jazmine Sullivan don't just holler for the sake of hollering. Wailing emotionally would be more of the term I use. I equate it to the sound that is made when you're confronting your lover in an uncompromising situation. In those types of situations everything won't always be pretty but those emotions will be real. And that's how I felt last night watching Fantasia sing songs from both her new album, sophomore, and debut. Those emotions were so real she started tearing up on "Even Angels" explaining how everyone has a testimony and God has her here to share that testimony with the crowd. Fantasia kicked her shoes off, worked the stage and jumped on the podium to greet her fans face to face. Even stopping to pose pictures for fans who put their digital camera in her face.
Although this was a small intimate experience in the theater I felt arenas would take away from some of the personalized experience of the "Fantasia experience". You know those concerts were you spend more time watching the screen than the stage? Thank Goodness this wasn't that experience.
At the end of "I'm Here" Fantasia leaned her head back and soaked up the love and energy from the crowd. For the first time since her suicide attempt I feel like those two words "I'm here" have taken on a new meaning in her personal and professional life. Even after the suicide attempt she made it through beautifully, wiser, stronger and most of all still here with us all.
Vulnerability
Vulnerable. Thats the word that will describe the era of my life I am currently in. a change from being so strong and independent all the time.right now at 24yo I acknowledge and am growing into my own skin more than I ever have, doing this includes once again falling in love with not only myself again but allowing other people inside my heart without fear of failure. By being single I have been able to shield my heart from being hurt again by a love I thought was truly mine. My demeanor for the last three years has been to fuck without catching feelings but like any good plan sometimes changes are made along the way. When I did feel myself slipping in the pattern of bring attached to someone then I was able to easily cut those people out of my life. over the last three years I am sure I have broken hearts, led people on and lied about my emotions. But recently I did find myself lling my heart again to someone special that I felt could open my eyes back to the life of being in a relationship again. For the first time in a long time, I started getting those old feelings back again and didnt know how to act or react to what seemed to be new to me all over. Falling back into those old habits of running west wasn't an option for me this time. I was ready to face the situation head on and articulate to someone else how I felt, what I wanted in a relationship and didnt compromise for the sake of being in a relationship. Sadly our happily maybe the situation didnt work out but I took that first step in the right direction of showing i can let my guard down and show the true colors of my heart.
As I've learned from the experience being vulnerable isnt always easy and sometimes it's downright scary but I no longer worry nor let the fear control who I am. Just like any era of my life my songwriting will reflect this time and I'm sure in a couple of years I will look back on these and pat myself on the back for taking chances again.
DTQ
It Gets Better
Here's my contribution the "It Gets Better" campaign. Not the best at this webcam video stuff but I'm working my way around the camera